Handling the nightmares
by x.xOracles.Shadowx.x
Summary: Aaron Hotchner was known as the Man of Steel in the BAU, but what few knew was that even the strongest are vulnerable when the lights go out. - ReidHotch if you squint, and Rossi just being awesome. T for language! Enjoy!


**AN: Hi, guys! So, this is a one shot that I wrote a while back. I don't think it's explicit ReidHotch, but it's there if you squint. I don't know where this one came from, but I liked it so I thought I would post it. =) I'm working on a whole slew of CM stories right now, so this is to tide myself over until I get some others that are ready to post. I think that's it, so enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd be the happiest person on the face of this Earth, EmilyRossi would be canon, Kevin/ Garcia would be nothing but a footnote, and we'd all be sitting back screaming, 'For heaven's sake, kiss him already!' whenever Reid and Hotch were on the screen. So, yeah. I own nothing.**

Aaron Hotchner was known around the Bureau as the man made of steel. He hardly laughed, barely smiled outside of the company of his own team, and the rest of the Bureau was pretty sure he slept in his suit. What very few people knew - and by 'few' he meant his ex sister in law Jessica and his best friend David Rossi - was that the man of steel may've been unbreakable in his daily life, but when the lights went out and the nightmares attacked, he was just as vulnerable as anyone else.

After Haley's death, Hotch hadn't slept well. Initially, the dreams had been relatively similar. He either saw Haley lying dead on their bedroom floor, or he saw his worst fear of Jack not making it up to the hiding place in his old office. He always woke up just after seeing Foyet gun down his son just before he could reach him. He would wake up gasping with tremors wracking his body and his knees turning to liquid as he practically sprinted down the hallway to Jack's room, just to confirm that his son was alive and safe in his bed, clutching his stuffed dinosaur that Haley had given him a year before for his birthday.

After a while, with the cases the team went on, his dreams changed. Sometimes he would be wandering around the memory of the night Haley died. He'd be alone, able to hear Foyet laughing and his team shouting that they were on their way, but his phantom feet still led him to Haley's dead body, he'd still see her dead eyes staring at him. Sometimes he'd be in the bullpen doing paperwork and see Foyet leering at him from every corner, or he saw memories. He couldn't honestly say which was worse: Seeing Haley dead, or seeing her alive and laughing with their son and so far away from him that he couldn't touch them. Oddly enough, Foyet never made an appearance in those dreams, but Hotch would always wake up with his hand automatically reaching for his sidearm and the scars hurting like they were still fresh.

However, no matter what dream or nightmare plagued him, he never screamed. Primarily, he knew he couldn't scream, knew it would terrify his son beyond words to wake up to his dad screaming in his sleep. Jack had already suffered so much, he didn't want to cause him anymore pain. So, Hotch suffered silently, and inadvertently made his team suffer along with him. His eyes got more dark, his coffee got stronger, and once or twice after freaking out on his team - there was no other suitable term for the explosion of temper he'd let loose - Rossi had needed to haul him down to the bureau gym before Morgan or Prentiss killed him for yelling at Reid or Garcia for no good reason.

During those times, Hotch was not proud to admit that he'd fought Rossi every step of the way, and when he looked back on it later, he could understand why his best friend had thrown him under a cold shower, suit and all, and then dragged him to the boxing ring. Hotch had insisted he'd calmed down so it wasn't necessary, but Rossi had been adamant. He told him that they'd stay down there until worked off the stress that everyone could see building in his shoulders with the use of a punching bag.

Rossi told him point blank that if he 'saw Foyet's face on the boxing bag, go for it, destroy the damn thing.' He would usually finish that by telling him that Emily and JJ had laid down the rule that he was not to come back to the bullpen until he was ready to apologize to Reid for losing his temper at him, and to Garcia for telling her to mind her own damn business. In the end he'd apologized sincerely, but when Reid destroyed him in snack poker on the next flight out, and when Garcia made cupcakes to celebrate their latest success and 'forgot that Hotch was mildly allergic to almond extract', he understood that he was still very much in the doghouse.

He figured he should have told his team what was wrong, but as Haley would have told him, his pride was making him act like an idiot. He didn't say a word, knowing that his team had gone through worse and survived so he would be okay, and suffered through nightmares for over a year before he was woken up one night by Jess and Jack, their eyes wide while someone who wasn't his sister in law tried to hold him down. He couldn't see who they were through the dark but when they backed off and Jack ran to him, Hotch realized that his throat hurt and his voice sounded hoarse and he knew he'd been screaming.

He flicked on the lamp by his bed, his son settling in his pajama bottom covered lap, and looked at his ex sister in law as she stood by, obviously relieved he was awake. Hotch exhaled, then held his trembling son close to him while Jess told him that his screams had woken up Jack, and when he couldn't wake Hotch up, he'd called for help. When the hell his son had learned to use the phone was beyond him, but Hotch chalked another point up to Haley. Jess told him that she'd had heard about him screaming and got to the apartment as quick as she could, and by that point, Hotch had noticed Reid and Rossi standing in the doorway to his bedroom.

Reid was watching him carefully and Hotch felt a twinge of remorse for the reluctant look in his subordinate's eyes. He had gotten into an argument with Reid that had somehow got very personal, very fast. Both had said some things that they regretted and apologized for it, but the damage had been done. Reid had avoided being in the same room with him for the last week after the argument, so seeing him coming to his and his son's aide now was a little surprising. Reid watched him, and under the reluctance, there was a distinct understanding in Reid's eyes. Rossi stepped forward, drawing his attention away from the younger agent, and in the dim lamp light, Hotch could see the red spot on Dave's cheek, then realized that his hand hurt a little bit. He looked at his hand and Jack, seeing the look of slight pain on his dad's face, put a kiss to the knuckles of his hand.

"You hitted the man, Daddy.", Jack told him quietly. "You told me that hitting was bad."

Hotch couldn't help chuckling, holding his son tighter to him while Jess sat on the side of the bed. He saw Reid inch forward out of the corner of his eye, then looked at his son. "And it is, buddy. Daddy was having a bad dream but he shouldn't have hit his friend. Sorry, Dave.", Hotch explained, receiving a dismissive hand gesture from his old friend.

"If I thought you meant it, I'd let you know.", Rossi replied. "You alright now?"

"Yeah, I think so. Did Jess call you?", Hotch asked.

"No, actually. Reid did.", Rossi answered. Hotch looked at the agent in question, seeing Reid blush faintly.

"Reid, why? Did Jess call you?", Hotch asked. Reid stepped forward so the light hit him, and Hotch could see the dark bags under his eyes.

"No, but Jack did.", Reid explained with a shrug. "He called and told me that you were upset and he couldn't wake you up, so I told him to stay in his room and that you would be fine until we got there. Then I called Rossi and Jess and told them what was happening."

"Really.", was all Hotch could say. He looked down at his son, who was curled up against his chest. "Buddy, why didn't you call auntie Jessie? And where did you find Spencer's number?"

"I couldn't remember Auntie Jessie's number, but I saw Spencer's number in your book so I called him and told him you was in trouble. Are you mad, Daddy?", Jack asked, and Hotch knew that even if he was mad, he'd be toast. Even though Jack could have found God only knows what in his day planner, he'd done the right thing and called the number of an adult he trusted to help his dad. He'd done everything right, and through the fear, he was intensely proud of his son.

Hotch kissed the top of his son's head. "No buddy, of course I'm not mad. I'm just sorry I scared you. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay.", Jack promised, nodding. "I couldn't wake you up, Daddy, I was scared. I don't like you being hurt."

"I don't like it either, buddy, but I'm fine now. Promise.", Hotch told him. "Tell you what, why don't you go with aunt Jessie? She can put you to bed and I'll be in to tuck you in after I say good night to Dave and Spencer. How's that?"

"Okay." Jack's small arms wrapped around his neck and Hotch held his son tightly to him. When Jack let go, he smiled then passed the already yawning toddler to his aunt. Jack waved to Reid and Rossi on his way out, and when Jess and Jack were out of sight, Hotch swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked at his co-workers.

"Sorry about this.", Hotch apologized, rubbing his eyes while he threw on a house coat that had been hanging on his desk chair. "I've never-"

"We know, Hotch, it's fine.", Rossi interrupted, the three men walking out of the room and into the hallway. "The important thing is that you're okay. You are gonna be okay, aren't you?"

"I'll be fine. But... I think I'll make an appointment with the doctor.", Hotch sighed, more annoyed with himself than anything. "I want Jack to feel safe here. How can he do that when his dad wakes up screaming in the middle of the night?"

"So what are you thinking?", Reid asked. Hotch looked at the younger agent and pretended not to notice the faded track marks that were showing on his arms under the t-shirt he had thrown over draw string pajama pants with Star Trek symbols on them. He looked like Jack's call had woken him up and he'd rushed around getting ready, throwing on the first clean t-shirt he found. His hair was wiry and flipping all over the place, but had he not just woken up screaming, Hotch might have thought the whole image - sans track marks - to be cute.

"I'll go to the doctor, hopefully he can give me something. This can't happen again." Hotch was a little surprised at the alarmed look that flew onto Reid's face, and wondered what he'd said to cause it.

"Hotch, take it from me. I've had a lot of experience with medication, and repressing the thing that scares you won't make the nightmares go away. It might make them manageable but it won't cure them.", Reid denied quickly, his eyes wide as he looked at his superior.

Ah. Hotch suddenly understood. Reid's drug problem had been something that the entire team knew about but had no idea how to fix. He'd been clean by Hotch's estimation for over three years thus far, but the SSAIC knew Reid still struggled with cravings. He knew the dangers of using drugs, especially over the counter ones, and didn't want his superior to go the route he had. "I don't know what else I can do.", Hotch admitted.

"See a therapist, write in a journal, talk to me or Jess or Rossi or Morgan or anybody. There are so many other options, drugs don't need to be your only choice.", Reid persisted. Hotch and Rossi exchanged a lightning fast look, and Hotch tried not to smile at the concern of his agent. At least the concern meant that Reid didn't hate him because of their earlier argument.

"Maybe you've got a point.", Hotch considered. "I'll talk to the doctor when I see him. Thank you both, by the way, for coming when you did. It must have been a relief for Jack when you showed up."

"I was more concerned about Reid. He called me up and the only thing I could understand was, 'Jack called me', 'Hotch', and 'need to get there now'. In between, I think I caught something about statistics of nightmares in co-relation to mental disintegration. I thought he was going to pass out before I got there.", Rossi chuckled as the three walked into the living room. The conversation made Hotch laugh and Reid blushed but said nothing. From down the hall, the three could hear Jess reading a story about Superman to Jack. Hotch couldn't help a smile when he heard his son asking his aunt if dad was a real life super hero, even after what happened to mommy.

"Well, thank you both. I'm sorry I woke you up.", Hotch apologized, leading his teammates to the door of his apartment.

"You've nothing to apologize for, Aaron. Anytime you need us, we will be there.", Rossi promised him. Not for the first time, Hotch was glad that his old friend had come out of retirement. Without Rossi, he didn't know what he'd have done with all the upheaval his entire team had gone through in the past months.

"You sure you'll be alright?", Reid asked, frowning slightly at his boss.

"We'll be fine. Chances are Jess will end up sleeping on the couch just in case so we'll be alright. I'll see you both tomorrow, or rather this morning.", Hotch amended, looking at the clock on his living room wall. He smiled as reassuringly as he could at his two friends. "Go home and get some sleep, guys."

"Okay... But if anything else happens, we're only a call away, Hotch.", Reid told him, still looking uncertain. "Just because you're our boss doesn't mean you're not our friend. We care about you, and Jess and Jack. Even if you can be a little... difficult sometimes."

Hotch knew that was Reid's way of officially forgiving him for their argument earlier, and resisted rolling his eyes. "I know, Reid. And I appreciate it.", Hotch promised him. "Thank you for taking Jack's call seriously. He trusts you."

"I'm glad he does, and I know how it feels to be scared about a parent. I'd have come at any time of the day if he needed me.", Reid told his boss. "Besides, he's your kid and already he's got a will of steel. If the son of Aaron Hotchner calls me in the middle of the night in a panic, I know to take it seriously."

"Well hopefully he turns out a little better than me.", Hotch chuckled. "But now I want to tuck my kid in and go to bed, so good night. I'll see you both in the office."

"Good night. See you in the morning, Hotch.", Reid answered. "I'll see you in the car, Rossi."

"Be down in a minute.", Rossi replied, then waited until the young doctor was out of earshot before turning to Hotch. "He was worried about you, you know. You and Jack. After what happened with Foyet... Well, the kid has a PhD in psychology. He worries."

"I know what he thought, and I appreciate it.", Hotch agreed. "If Reid can handle having nightmares all his life, I can handle one or two in my adult life."

"Go see the doctor, Aaron. No one deserves to see horror in their waking and their sleeping hours.", Rossi argued. "I will check in with him if you haven't."

"Yes, mom. I'll go see him, Dave, don't worry. You just drive Reid home and get some sleep.", Hotch laughed slightly. The two exchanged hugs and Rossi nodded when he stepped out the door.

Hotch shut the door behind his teammate and turned to the dark living room. Light was filtering from Jack's room down the hall, and one of the beams of light reflected off the plastic wrapped box that hadn't been on Hotch's table when he went to bed. Hotch instinctively went for his sidearm and found it gone from his hip, then remembered that he was in his pajama bottoms, then walked slowly to the box. He looked back and made sure that neither Jess nor Jack came out of his room, then lifted it from his table slowly and saw a tag that lay on the outside.

The box was filled with different herbal teas that Hotch knew were used to calm the nervous system and promote sleep. He smiled, already knowing who had brought it to him. He'd seen identical boxes slip their way into the break room during the weeks when Reid was still going through his withdrawals, and later saw them finding their way into Reid's go-bag courtesy of Garcia or JJ.

He glanced at the tag and saw that a message was written on it in the slanted script of one doctor Spencer Reid. 'Hotch, I know the nightmares can take over, but I've seen you face tougher demons and win. If you need anything, you know my number. Don't let them win. Yours, Spencer Reid.'

The SSA just smiled and walked off to the kitchen to try one.

**AN: That's it, guys. Hope you enjoyed it. Comments, questions, concerns? By all means, let me know. **

**Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time!**

**Much love,  
>Oracle. (L) <strong>


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